On paper, Lucky Bastard sounds like it could be a fun meta stab at the found footage horror genre. When you say “found footage porn horror,” you’d think you would at least have a little bit of fun watching it. I went in with literally zero background on the movie and it starts up with a pre-credit stating that for the sake of the movie, Lucky Bastard is a porno website where one watcher, the titular “lucky bastard,” is chosen to sleep with a porn star. This time around, the chosen viewer isn’t exactly all there. That is it. That is the entire premise of this movie.
Betsy Rue (My Bloody Valentine) plays Ashley Saint, a top tier porn star who has done every series under the website banner except for the Lucky Bastard portion. Her jackass boss Mike (played by movie everyman Don McManus) finally talks her into it and they end up selecting Dave G. After meeting Dave, it’s heavily hinted at that he’s not playing with a full deck of cards and has some strange sensitivity issues. When he can’t perform under pressure, they fire him and he snaps, exacting revenge on the crew.
That plot synopsis is actually a lot more exciting than the actual movie is. It starts with a poorly acted highly uncomfortable staged rape scene that really just gives you an idea of the pace this movie is setting. It’s easy to call the bluff on the fake rape and for one moment, you think that the movie is going to poke fun at porn by highlighting the awful acting and terrible writing but the film kicks in and it quickly reveals that the entire film is awfully acted and terribly written.
This is truly a highlight of bad found footage. Actually, the worst found footage. It does manage to have a higher quality than most films of it’s genre but it unfortunately doesn’t do anything to lessen the pain of viewing it. It’s forty minutes before anything remotely “thrilling” happens, and I use that term very lightly. The most action that occurs is the plethora of softcore porn that peppers itself throughout and that’s not even very fun or entertaining to watch. Chris Wylde (The Revenant) has a few one liners that bring out a chuckle or two but other than that the writing falls completely flat. Robert Nathan co-wrote and directed the movie and it literally seems impossible considering he is Emmy nominated and Peabody winning for his work in television. Despite his impressive small screen record, he brings nothing over with him to this project that resembles the talent he boasts otherwise.
I’m an optimistic person. I generally look for the silver lining. This movie has none. I take that back. This is a great movie to watch at your house and use to have your own MST3K night with. It’s full of bad and over acting, cardboard characters, pacing problems, editing issues and the most boring sex and murder scenes in the last decade. Somehow, Nathan and crew have created the most boring horror and porno ever made.