It opens with the backstory of Barnabas Collins and how he came to be cursed by a witch before it jumps forward to 1972 where we meet Victoria Winters (Bella Heathcoate) who comes to Collinswood to take a job as a nanny to young troubled David, whose mother died years earlier. Barnabas’ returns to find this dysfunctional family residing in his mansion, and we end up with something that crosses The Addams Family with The Witches of Eastwick.
Working from a script by author Seth Grahame-Smith, the storytelling isn’t particularly clear - for instance, it’s not obvious that Hoffman is after Barnabas’ blood at first, because there seems to be a good chunk of that subplot missing. For the most part, the movie purports itself to be a comedy, but it's not terribly funny and the funniest gags have been pretty much played to death in the commercials and trailers. Many of the jokes just seem very obvious and lazy, doing little to lift the film's laconic pace that contains just enough of the required soap opera melodrama expected from fans of the TV show, though all handled relatively tongue-in-cheek. At times, it feels like they’re trying too hard to be weird for the sake of being weird, yet they never go so far out on the limb that it ever really feels particularly daring.
You have to give Depp credit for committing himself to being covered in white pancake make-up with blood red lipstick and eye shadow and his delivery of flowery Old English speech, but it’s not exactly a character that ever rises above its singular joke. We get it. Barnabas is a vampire living out of time, a fish-out-of-water trying to adjust to the very different world. That one joke only goes so far and we never fully understand his motivations since his behavior is just as erratic as Depp’s other recent creations.
As always, Burton has assembled a terrific cast around Depp and the women are particularly strong, including another great performance by Michelle Pfeiffer as the family matriarch. By the second half, she seems to have taken a backseat to some of the other women, such as Helena Bonham Carter as the alcoholic psychiatrist Dr. Julia Hoffman, whose bright orange wig offers some of the movie's rare color and Eva Green as the sultry and deliciously evil witch Angelique with a big grin and a surprisingly good American accent. Chloe Moretz is also decent as teen daughter Caroline who is becoming aware of her own sexuality, while even relative newcomer Bella Heathcoate helps to balance Depp’s constant posturing and make it more watchable.
It's hard to hate the movie because every single scene looks so damn good due to the efforts of production designer Rick Heinrichs and cinematographer Bruno Delbonnel, but by the fifth or sixth time you see waves crashing against the rocks, you start to wonder if Burton himself realized the story didn’t have the depth to keep audiences interested. Burton's frequent collaborator Danny Elfman offers a glorious and epic score combining his usual orchestral flourishes with period tunes from the time, and just when you've thought that Burton and Depp have gone as far into Goth territory as they can go, rocker Alice Cooper shows up in a forced cameo performance.
There's some fun to be had in Burton and Depp’s attempt to reinvigorate the cult classic from the ‘60s, though lacking depth of previous collaborations makes it feel like it’s trying too hard but never quite achieving what it set out to do. Your enjoyment may depend entirely on how much seeing Depp as a vampire makes up for the weak storytelling.
Rating: 6.5 out of 10